3 Ways To Deal With “Judgy” Moms (The Way Jesus Would)

Moms are notorious for being judgmental of each other. Back when I was a brand new mom, over a decade ago, I was new to social media. I had read all of the parenting books while I was pregnant, but every baby is different, and I turned to parenting forums online with my desperate questions.

It was there that I first encountered “judgy” moms. They knew EVERYTHING there was to know about motherhood, newborns, schedules, feedings, cluster feedings, vaccinations, belly time, and more. As a newbie, I soaked in all of the information I could get. I found the forums filled with moms who knew everything I didn’t know. I didn’t realize how dangerous a place those websites were until someone (bless her poor heart) decided to speak up in an opinion or suggestion that contradicted another mom’s. Like vultures, the judgmental moms jumped all over the one who dared speak up and before long, it seemed she would quietly disappear from the thread.

Online judgy moms are one thing; real-life judgy moms are an entirely different matter. They can be found in Chick-fil-A play places, car lines, sports arenas, and soccer fields. They are present at birthday parties, field trips, and classroom events. You likely know one or two or ten. Maybe, on some particularly out-of-character day, you were one of them. I hope I have not been, but chances are, I’ve probably come across that way a time or two–in spite of my best efforts to appear otherwise.

So….what can we do with judgy moms? How do we handle them? I was thinking about Jesus today and how His disciples were often like kids. The Pharisees, or the religious hotshots, were kind of like judgy moms. Read Matthew 12:1-21. You’ll see what I mean.

Here’s what I think Jesus would want us to do with judgy moms:

  1. Remember who God says we are. We can’t get caught up in worrying about what others think or say about us. I know, I know. It’s easier said than done, but I think if we study the Scriptures, we’ll be affirmed in our identities as daughters of God, and we won’t need approval or acceptance from even the “judgiest” of moms. In Matthew 12, Jesus responded to the judgmental Pharisees by reminding them of what the Scripture said. They were attacking His disciples’ actions (think: “Your kids are stealing grapes from the produce section of the grocery store!”) and Jesus reminded the religious teachers of a Bible story they knew. He knew Who He was and who His disciples were, and He wasn’t worried about the identity the Pharisees were trying to assign Him.
  2. Don’t hang around them. When the Pharisees wouldn’t quit trying to trap Jesus in sin, Jesus left them alone. He still continued His ministry, (we can’t let other moms make us question our abilities!) but He stayed away from the Pharisees and admonished those He healed not to talk about His miracles or Who He was. Ultimately, the Pharisees wanted to kill Jesus—and gossiping moms just want to kill another mom’s spirit or reputation. So don’t hang around them. Find a tribe of moms you can trust, and work to encourage and uplift each other. You can’t avoid everyone always, but that’s where the next tip comes in.
  3. Be willing to love them, regardless of their actions. Wow. I’ll admit, this is a hard pill to swallow. Our culture says we should retaliate instead of showing kindness. Society dictates that we should just judge them in return. Jesus didn’t do that. He always answered them according to Scripture, but He didn’t look for ways to debate or argue with them. Instead, when it was all said and done, Jesus gave His life for His accusers. And Momma, Jesus gave His life for judgy moms, too. If He could forgive them (see Luke 23:34), so can we. If He could sacrifice Himself for them, can’t we share a kind word with moms around us? It’s possible that judgy moms feel judged themselves. What if we went out of our way to compliment them on their parenting? What if we noticed a new outfit or hairstyle? What if, instead of choosing to be judgy in return, we decided to love in return? Maybe, just maybe, we could make a difference in our neighborhoods, communities, and schools. Maybe we could be “Jesus Moms” instead of judgy moms. Maybe.

Can you picture a mom right now who needs this reminder? Maybe she’s feeling judged or maybe she’s feeling a little judgy of others. Why don’t you text her right now and remind her that God thinks she’s the best mom for the kids He gave her? Then share this blog post to your social media for all the other moms who need it today!

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